Disappointment occurs when reality doesn’t meet expectations.  Perhaps a family member, friend, or colleague did not behave the way they were expected.  Maybe money did not arrive when it was supposed to.  Perhaps you didn’t get the promotion that you went after.  Maybe your team fell short of a performance goal.  Perhaps your marketing campaign did not generate new customers.  The list could go on and on.  Disappointments can happen anytime and they can happen often.  How do you deal with disappointment so that you do not become discouraged or give up?  Here are a few ways you can deal with the disappointment in your life:

1. Evaluate your expectations.  Were your expectations reasonably optimistic?  We can set ourselves up by setting unrealistic expectations.  For example, expecting a client to pay an invoice immediately upon receipt when the terms are Net 30 can set you up for disappointment.
2. Communicate your disappointment.  When people disappoint us, they do not always realize that they have failed to meet our expectations.  Share your feelings of disappointment and commit to communicating your expectations more clearly in the future.
3. Focus on what you can control.  Let go of what you don’t control.  For example, an impending storm that causes an important meeting to be cancelled is beyond anyone’s control.  Acknowledge that there was nothing that anyone could have done that would have changed the outcome of the situation. 
4. Look for the positive.  Even in the midst of disappointment, there are often bright spots that can be identified.  Focus on what is going right rather than what went wrong.
5. Grow.  Is there something that you could have done that would have resulted in a more positive outcome?  For example, did you get looked over for the promotion because you were lacking in certain skills?  Improving our skills and striving to grow can improve performance in the future.  

Disappointment is a part of life.  How we handle disappointment when it happens to us determines our success and happiness.

Leadership is a complex job description.  There are varying definitions for leadership in research, yet every so often, leaders come along that defy the current definitions and add more dynamics to the accepted notions of leadership.  Leaders find themselves defined by their success or failures.  Success can bring life-long accolades while failures can end careers.  There are many perspectives about what makes a good leader and a general idea about what makes a bad leader. Fortunately for bad leaders, there are strategies that they can use to become better leaders.

Characteristics of a Good Leader

In order to know what makes a good leader, it is helpful to understand what the leadership job description is.   While many job descriptions refer to leadership abilities or leadership qualities, those are rarely defined.  Mike Myatt defines leadership as:

The professed desire and commitment to serve others by subordinating personal interests to the needs of those being led through effectively demonstrating the character, experience, humility, wisdom and discernment necessary to create the trust [&] influence to cause the right things, to happen for the right reasons, at the right times (2012).

In light of that definition, Myatt also goes on to state, “there is no perfect leader; only the right leader for a given situation (2012).  However, most researchers and writers agree on similar qualities that good leaders possess. 

• Good leaders are courageous.  They confront reality, actively seek feedback, and have the difficult conversations.  They encourage push back, take action, and lead change. 
• Good leaders communicate openly and frequently, do not hesitate to make decisions, freely give credit to others and hold people accountable. 
• Good leaders understand the importance of organization culture, building and maintaining relationships, and effective communication. Effective communication includes communicating expectations and asking questions. 
• Good leaders mold an organizational culture to make people feel safe to speak up and generate positive energy.  Relationships are solidified by continuous feedback and recognition for performance.  
• Good leaders know the difference between managing and leading.  Managers have employees, react to change, have all the good ideas, direct groups, try to be heroes, take credit, and exercise power over people.  Leaders win followers, create change, implement good ideas, persuade others, create teams, make heroes of everyone around them, take responsibility, and develop power within people.

Characteristics of a Bad Leader
       
Just as there are good leaders, conversely, there are bad ones.  Bad leaders are leaders who have failed or leaders who have succeeded but their methods were questionable.  Failure is viewed in a variety of ways depending on the various industries, organizations, and results; however, there have been many prominent leadership failures over time.  Most failed leaders have characteristics in common.  These characteristics include feeling invincible, being paralyzed by fear, failing to grow, not being passionate, failing to dream, feeling entitled, and having a sense of victimization.  On the other hand, other leaders have failed by gaining success at the expense of others.  These leaders may have done things that are illegal, made decisions that were unethical, utilized unsound methodology, or settled for strategies that were not innovative.

How to Become a Better Leader
           
There is hope for leaders who do not start off great.  Fortunately, there are strategies that they can implement to improve their performance as leaders.  This includes:

• improving communication effectiveness
• sharing expertise 
• encouraging others to do more and to be better
• developing a broader perspective for their organization
• setting an example for employees or followers
• championing their team’s new ideas
• recognizing when change is needed
• improving their ability to inspire and motivate others
• encouraging cooperation among team members 
• demonstrating humility and willingness to change or adapt

Leaders should build on the success of one change to propel into the next one and allow space and opportunity for good things to happen.  Leaders who are growing must understanding that good leadership is often about the intangibles in the leader’s personality which can diminish the effects of a perceived failure.  For example, Ernest Shackleton, an explorer, had an apparent failure when his ship sank during an expedition to the Antarctic.  However, his failure turned to success because he was able to get each of his men home safely after surviving in the Antarctic for two years.  Crewmembers cite Shackleton’s leadership as the reason they were able to survive.  Despite failure, leaders have the ability to get better and to experience success.      

Would you like to improve your leadership skills?  Schedule a free consultation today!

There’s a saying that all good things must come to an end.  There is some truth to this, even when it comes to our mentoring relationships.  Despite how beneficial your mentoring relationship has been or how close you have grown to your mentor, it is inevitable that you will outgrow your mentor at some point.  After all, the ultimate goal of mentorship is to grow you professionally. 
How do you know it’s time to end your mentoring relationship?  Here are a few signs:

• You have reached the goals that you originally set with your mentor.
• You have surpassed your mentor’s position or status.
• You no longer feel that the counsel or advice that your mentor offers is beneficial, relevant, or constructive.
• You have less desire to communicate with your mentor.
• Your mentor admits that they no longer know how they can best serve you.

Once you have determined that it is time to end your relationship with your mentor, plan your course of action.  Here are a few tips for ending your mentoring relationship:

• Communicate!  Schedule a time to talk in person or on the phone.
• Let your mentor know how much you have benefitted from the relationship and that you are ready to move forward to the next stage of your career journey.
• Thank your mentor for their support, advice, and encouragement throughout the relationship. 
• Be open to evolving the relationship.  Depending on the nature of your relationship with the other person prior to mentoring, you may want to maintain a relationship with the person, but in a different way.  They may remain a friend or a colleague that you continue to associate with and network with.

After ending your mentoring relationship, your next step is to find a new mentor!  Each level of your career is going to require something different from you.  Find a mentor that will meet your needs for succeeding at that career level.  As you move up, you also have the opportunity to mentor others.  Mentorship is a cyclical process in which leaders can grow one another to achieve success.

The end of every quarter of the calendar year is an excellent time to reflect upon current performance.  This reflection is critical in order to meet or exceed the year’s goals.  When this reflection is done after the first quarter, there is still ample time to accomplish the goals that were set for the year.  Here are some steps that you can use to complete the reflection process:

Step 1:  Identify the goals that you set for the year.  Hopefully, you set between one and three key goals for the year.  These goals and their associated action plans should be guiding your actions and decisions.  It is easier to track the progress of these goals if they are written as SMART goals.  If you set goals but did not ensure they were written as SMART goals, tackle that first.

Step 2:  Determine how much progress you should have made.  Many goals are measured by where you should be at the end of the year, but what does progress look like in April? July? October?  Break your overall goal into milestones for the four quarters of the year.  For example, if you were aiming for increasing the dollar amount of your sales by 10% by the end of the year, you should expect to increase sales by 2-3% each quarter to meet that goal.

Step 3:  Identify whether you did not meet, met, or exceeded your milestones.  If you met your milestones, great job!  Keep doing what you’re doing!  If you did not meet your milestones, it is time to revisit your action plan.  Are you doing what you said you were going to do to meet the goal?  Are the action steps that you identified working?  This is an opportunity to research, regroup, and reorganize your action plan.  If you have exceeded your milestones, you may want to reevaluate your goal to see if you were setting the bar too low.  Don’t limit yourself by your goal—you can keep pushing to the next level!

Step 4:  Define next steps.  At this stage, you have to decide if you need to revise your goal, revise your plan, or go back to the drawing board.  You may have found that the goal that you set for the year is no longer appropriate based on newly identified needs or opportunities.  For example, if you set a goal to secure a certain number of new clients, but new opportunities have enabled you to offer a greater array of services to existing clients, you may change your focus.  Use discretion when changing or abandoning goals and certainly don’t give up on a goal because you didn’t make the progress that you thought you would make during a certain time period.

Goal-setting and attainment is the heart of success.  Mastering this process will ensure that your business is profitable and sustainable.  As you practice this process, you may find these other blog posts helpful:
 
How to Make Goals Stick
Bouncing Back After Defeat

If you would like support in identifying the needs for your business and how to set goals that will address those needs, contact me for a free consultation!

This article by Sarah Pritzker first appeared on Youtubetomp3shark.com.

A leader is a dealer in hope – Napoleon BonaparteWhat does it mean to be a leader? How does one become a great leader? What does it really take? These are questions that the best leaders of all time ask themselves constantly, and that’s probably part of what makes them great.

But, the recipe doesn’t end there. So much that goes into being a good leader, including constantly striving, working to improve, and most of all, always learning. There has never been a better time to be a leader than today because we’ve got thousands of resources at our fingertips, hours upon hours of inspiring talks from the best of the best, right in front of us, ready be to utilized if we dare.

If you’re ready to be the best leader you can be, check out 10 of the most inspiring and motivational TED talks on leadership today.

Leadership TED Talk Lesson #1 Listen and learn from everyone around youLeadership and learning are indispensable to each other. – John F. Kennedy

General Stanley McChrystal is a decorated four-star general in the United States armed forces, and in my book, those are pretty good credentials for leadership training. He gave an incredible TED talk (Stanley McChrystal: Listen, Learn Then Lead) that’s just around 15 minutes long. Yet in the video McChrystal gives over an essential value of leadership: don’t be too proud or full of yourself to learn from others because, at the end of the day, we all need one another to get through life. Short, poignant, and incredibly relevant to anyone in a leadership position. Salute.

Leadership TED Talk Lesson #2 Self-leadership comes firstOne of the most important things that a leader can do is to lead by example. If you want everyone else to be passionate, committed, dedicated, and motivated, you go first! – Marshall Goldsmith

Lars Sudmann gives a quick TED talk about the number one rule in leadership: self-leadership. He quickly goes through some important exercises you need to be doing constantly as a leader to ensure that you are being the best leader and that includes periodic self-character trait checks, asking self-reflecting questions, and continuous self-regulation. In short, Sudmann shows that if you really want to lead others, you have to start by leading yourself.

Leadership TED Talk Lesson #3 Value each employee for what they have to contributeThe role of a creative leader is not to have all the ideas; it’s to create a culture where everyone can have ideas and feel that they’re valued. – Ken Robinson

The good leader is the one that appreciates and understands the value of each employee. The obvious truth is that no great empire was built single-handedly. Instead, it’s the combined efforts of several individuals. And the great leader understands this principle, cultivates a culture in which each individual knows they have what to contribute, is given the tools and the space to make those contributions, and is appreciated for their contributions towards the finished product.

In her talk, Forgetting the Pecking Order, Margaret Heffernan contests the usual business model of competition, dog eat dog, you’ve got to step on each other to climb to the top ideology, and suggests a different type of mentality. My favorite line from the talk is this: “If the only way the most productive can be successful is by suppressing the productivity of the rest, then we badly need to find a better way to work.”. So well put, Margaret.

Leadership TED Talk Lesson #4 The definition of leadership is making someone’s life betterA leader is someone who helps improve the lives of other people or improve the system they live under. – Sam Houston

This is one of the best TED talks about leadership out there because it totally turns the entire definition we’re accustomed to on its head. Drew Dudley shows us in just six minutes how each one of us can be and is a leader without even knowing it. By doing the smallest thing, we can change someone’s life, thereby becoming a leader of people.

Dudley contests the superhero image of a leader who changes the world through massive feats of strength and superhuman powers. Instead, Dudley says we change the world, we lead the world, by the small things that make an impact on a single person at a time. Watch it, you’ll be amazed.

Leadership TED Talk Lesson #5 Motivate properlyEverything is hard before it is easy. – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Part of the job of a leader is to motivate their people to succeed. One of the most common methods society generally uses to get people moving is incentive, whether it’s positive or negative, internal or external. But motivational speaker Dan Pink is teaching us some fascinating findings about motivation. Turns out most of the time when we use rewards to motivate people, they actually end up doing more damage than good! Listen to Dan Pink’s The Puzzle of Motivation, and learn that at the end of the day the greatest motivation is feeling like we’re doing something that matters.

There are lots of other studies and speeches on the subject including two of the best from Dan Ariely and Tony Robbins. These two really go deep explaining the motivation of people and how to work with our internal mechanisms for greater productivity and greater workplace happiness.

Leadership TED Talk Lesson #6 A little encouragement goes a long wayIf you are a leader, you should never forget that everyone needs encouragement. And everyone who receives it – young or old, successful or less-than-successful, unknown or famous – is changed by it. John C. Maxwell

Simon Sinek has got a ton of great inspiration and advice for anyone who wants to be a great leader (and I highly recommend you check them all out). One of my favorite TED talks Sinek gives is the one about how leaders inspire action. In this talk, Sinek shows that your mission statement motivates, and that your “why” is more important than your “what” or “how.” Learn from the master.

Leadership TED Talk Lesson #7 Lead fearlessly, love hardA true leader not only cares about their success, but the success and empowerment of others. – Warren G. Bennis

Linda Cliatt-Wayman might be the most motivational speaker on this entire list. She is a powerful, driven, and successful leader, and she is a school principal. That’s right, she is a school principal, but not just any school principal. Cliatt-Wayman goes into seriously troubled school districts and turns their situations around in incredible ways.

In her TED talk, Linda tells people that if you want to be a leader, you have to do three things: really lead, i.e., get up off your butt and do things. That includes, of course, the big jobs that nobody else can do, but even the little, menial jobs that nobody else is interested in doing. Second, don’t focus on excuses or problems, focus on solutions. And thirdly, do it with love. No matter what kind of organization you’re leading, a little concern and respect go a long way.

Also a shout out to Angela Lee Duckworth’s Key to Success? Grit speech. Check it out if you want to hear more like this.

Leadership TED Talk Lesson #8 Female empowermentAnd one day she discovered that she was fierce and strong, and full of fire and that not even she could hold herself back because her passion burned brighter than her fears. – Mark Anthony

In her incredibly inspiring TED talk, Sheryl Sandberg explains why there are too few women taking leadership roles. I think this is an invaluable talk that every girl needs to hear. Sandberg talks about the right self-messaging, that the workforce isn’t the right place for every woman, and that if it is, make sure to always “be at the table.” Look at and treat yourself as an equal, and others will too. Try it!

Leadership TED Talk Lesson #9 Learn how to make wavesThis is a three-minute video that shows some key points about being a good leader.

In How to Start a Movement, Derek Sivers shows the importance of nurturing your supporters and also of not being afraid to be a follower sometimes too. Seth Godin goes further into this concept with his talk about How to Get Your Ideas to Spread. In a word, it’s about being remarkable. Check it out.

Leadership TED Talk Lesson #10 Difference between success and winningWinning is fun…sure. But winning is not the point. Wanting to win is the point. Not giving up is the point. Never letting up is the point.  – Pat Summitt

I’ll end off this inspirational roundup with one of the most important lessons anyone (but especially a leader) needs to understand. In a terrific talk, John Wooden explains that there is a world of difference between success and winning. Almost every time, the biggest success is putting in your effort and doing the best you can. Whether or not you win, i.e., accomplish the goal that you set out to do, is less important than what effort you put forth.

Liked what you saw? You can also check out Fields Wicker Miurin’s speech for some quick and uplifting inspiring leaders stories or Itay Talgam’s talk about using harmony to create a beautiful symphony.

The task of the leader is to get his people from where they are to where they have not been. – Henry Kissinger
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Leaders have untold potential to make significant changes, touch people, and really shape the world, but they have to be good leaders to accomplish those goals. Luckily, we have some of the most successful, powerful, and influential leaders in the world as our teachers. With technology today, we have nothing stopping us from learning these priceless leadership lessons. As Muhammad Ali said, “the only limitations we have are the ones we place on ourselves.”

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​It happens to the best of us.  You set a goal and fail to meet it.  Maybe it’s a sales goal.  Maybe it’s a performance goal.  Maybe it’s winning a Super Bowl.  Whatever the circumstance, falling short of a goal can be devastating and if you don’t know how to bounce back and help your team bounce back from defeat, it could have disastrous results.  Here are a few helpful steps for recovering from a loss:

1. Process your emotions.  It is likely that you feel a variety of emotions after falling short, including feeling like a failure, feeling inadequate, feeling angry, and wanting to give up. This is a natural part of the process.  It is important for you and your team members to have an opportunity to acknowledge and validate these feelings.
2. Identify what went wrong.  In most circumstances, the moment when things began to fail can be pinpointed.  During this stage, it is important to identify the circumstances and hurdles that led to the defeat rather than pointing fingers at individual people.  Instead, consider whether you underestimated the challenges that you would face while pursuing this goal or overestimated your individual or team strengths.
3. Identify the weak links.  As the leader, you must identify any team members who played a large part in the team’s failure.  Is this person able to be coached or trained for better performance in the future?  If not, the person may not be able to remain on the team.
4. Find the bright spots.  It’s doubtful that the situation was a complete loss.  Were there any stellar performances?  Were there any small wins to celebrate?  Identify the individual and team strengths that can be leveraged moving forward.
5. Accept responsibility.  As a leader, success or failure falls on your shoulders. Was your personal performance less than satisfactory?  Could you have guided or supported your team in a better or different way? 
6. Adjust.  You and your team cannot spend too much time in failure analysis.  Adjust and redesign your strategies for next time.  It is important that you have a clear plan for how to move forward successfully.

No one wants to lose, but in the event that a loss occurs, we must be strategic in how we lead our teams to recovery.  Additionally, having a plan for bouncing back helps to prevent leading from emotions such as disappointment or anger.  Instead, a good leader will optimistically lead their team to their next challenge with a winning outlook.
 

​The start of a new year is filled with hope, aspirations, and resolutions.  However, many find themselves lacking motivation and abandoning goals before the first month of the year is over.  The good news is that there are ways that you can stay motivated and achieve your goals for the year.  Here are a few strategies:

1. Align goals with your mission and vision.  This works for businesses and individuals.  Where do you want to be in 5 years? 10 years?  Your annual goals should reflect your long-term destination.
2. Only set a few goals at a time.  Tackling ten goals at once is overwhelming and decreases your chance of succeeding.  Try setting one or two goals and focusing only on them.
3. Make a vision board.  A vision board can be an in-your-face reminder of what you are trying to accomplish.  Place the vision board in a place where you will see it every day, such as a bedroom or office.
4. Set milestones.  Celebrating wins, even the small ones, can keep you motivated.  If you have a big goal, designate checkpoints along the way. Celebrate the small accomplishments leading up to the big one.
5. Find an accountability partner.  An accountability partner can help you stay on track by checking on your progress, pushing you to do more, and celebrating wins with you.

Goals can be set any time of the year, so all is not lost if your new year’s resolutions are a bust.  Start over and apply these strategies and you will find your goal-setting to be much more effective.

During this time of year, people often reflect on the things that they are grateful for.  Often, those “things” are material things or circumstances.  This year, I practiced telling the people around me that I am grateful for them and why.  I use this approach as a leader to express gratitude for my team members and decided to apply this to my personal life.  My conclusion is that this attitude is beneficial in all areas of my life!

As an employee and team member, I have been in situations where I felt undervalued, underappreciated, and taken for granted.  I believed that the leaders around me treated me like I was expendable and the employees as interchangeable.  I vowed as a leader that I would never intentionally make my team feel that way.  When I became a leader, I made sure that my team knew that I valued their skill set, experience, and expertise.  I let them know that it mattered to me and the organization if they stayed or left and that I wanted them to continue to be a part of the team. 
If you would like to take steps to show gratitude to those around you, try these strategies:
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• Tell them.  Simply tell them, “I am grateful for you because…”
• Write a note.  Express your gratitude in a hand-written note or greeting card.
• Give a gift.  A thoughtful gift can show someone that you appreciate them.
• Praise publicly.  Find an opportunity to brag on someone in public. 
• Spend time.  One of the best expressions of gratitude one can give is the act of spending quality time.  Take the time to have a meaningful conversation or to learn more about them.  Actively listen.

As a leader, I recognize that it is an honor and great responsibility to lead others.  Without followers, there is no leader.  I am thankful for all those, past and present, that have allowed me to lead them in any capacity.  It is truly a pleasure!

There is a saying that being a leader is like being a man alone on an island.  It is true that the higher up the career ladder you go, the fewer people there may be in your organization to collaborate with or to confide in.  You may find that others do not understand your job responsibilities or that the people that you used to talk to are now your subordinates.  Whatever the case, you may find yourself alone and desiring support.  Some of the signs that you have created your own island are:

• You often wish that you had someone to vent to or confide in.
• You feel like no one understands what you are going through.
• You believe other people in leadership positions have it all together, but you don’t.
• You do not feel supported.

Many organizations do not incorporate adequate training and support for their leaders which can lead to feelings of isolation.  Additionally, entrepreneurs and the self-employed often find themselves isolated and disconnected from others.  The good news is that you can take steps to reconnect.  Here are some ways the prevent feelings of isolation:

1. Identify and connect with a mentor.  Your mentor may have held your position or a similar position in the past successfully.  They will understand your situation, feelings, and challenges and can provide sound advice when needed.
2. Hire a coach.  A coach can help you to address your challenges and build your leadership or business capacity.  They can provide effective ways for addressing challenges you may face.
3. Attend networking events.  Many people in your area are connecting in a social environment to support one another and build new working relationships. 
4. Connect on social media.  Business-minded men and women often connect using social media to network and offer support. 
5. Lean on your friends.  Your friends may not know exactly what you are going through, but they can be a source of encouragement and inspire you to keep going.

A leader does not have to be isolated if they do not want to.  There are steps that he or she can take to (re)connect with other like-minded individuals.  However, feelings of isolation, loneliness, or other negative feelings should not be ignored.  If you are feeling depressed or experience any other symptoms of mental health disorders, please seek the medical advice of a doctor.

Have you ever felt like you end up in the same situation over and over again?  Maybe you find yourself in a job that seems is going to end in your termination.  Or maybe you discover that the problems in your new relationship are identical to your past relationship problems.  In our personal and professional life, if we don’t learn the lesson that we’re supposed to, we may find ourselves repeating the same scenario until we do.  Learning a lesson results in growth and change on our part.  In order to understand a lesson, we have to go through the process of the pain, experience, learning, and growth.  If you skip the process, then the experience was not beneficial for your professional or personal growth, and you will find yourself in the same situation, just in a different location with different people. 

How do you know you have skipped the process?

1. You blame others.  If you point the finger at the other person or persons for the reason you experienced pain, difficulty, or stress, you probably have skipped the process.  No matter how badly we have been treated, it is likely that we could have improved in our response to the situation in some way or even avoided the situation altogether.  When we have a negative experience, we have to understand the role that we played and be able to reflect on how we can handle the situation differently should it occur again.  A person who does not believe they have done anything wrong will never change.
2. You’re still angry.  When you have experienced growth and healing from a situation, you release feelings of bitterness, resentment, and anger.  If you are still angry about how the situation played out or how a person treated you, you are not over it.  If you were to be in a similar situation in the future, not only will you have difficulty addressing it effectively, but it will trigger past feelings of hurt and resentment that may make the situation worse.
3. You run in the opposite direction.  When some people have a negative experience, they may find themselves going to extremes to avoid a similar situation.  Some may make a drastic career change.  Others may date someone who is the opposite of the significant other that hurt them.  These are avoidance behaviors.  Instead of addressing how or why a situation went wrong, you attempt to avoid the situation completely.

It can be difficult to go through the process of learning a lesson, but skipping the process results in more damage in the long run.  How can you make sure that you are not skipping the process?

1. Face the situation.
2. Reflect on the situation.  Examine the situation from all perspectives, not just your own.
3. Identify the lesson or lessons to be learned.
4. Seek advice from a mature person that is not involved in the situation and be open to their insight.
5. Accept responsibility for your actions and determine what you could have done differently.
6. Make amends with the person or persons involved in the situation.

Most of the growth that we experience is the result of life lessons.  If we skip the process of learning lessons in life, we will find ourselves growing older but never growing up.