​It happens to the best of us.  You set a goal and fail to meet it.  Maybe it’s a sales goal.  Maybe it’s a performance goal.  Maybe it’s winning a Super Bowl.  Whatever the circumstance, falling short of a goal can be devastating and if you don’t know how to bounce back and help your team bounce back from defeat, it could have disastrous results.  Here are a few helpful steps for recovering from a loss:

1. Process your emotions.  It is likely that you feel a variety of emotions after falling short, including feeling like a failure, feeling inadequate, feeling angry, and wanting to give up. This is a natural part of the process.  It is important for you and your team members to have an opportunity to acknowledge and validate these feelings.
2. Identify what went wrong.  In most circumstances, the moment when things began to fail can be pinpointed.  During this stage, it is important to identify the circumstances and hurdles that led to the defeat rather than pointing fingers at individual people.  Instead, consider whether you underestimated the challenges that you would face while pursuing this goal or overestimated your individual or team strengths.
3. Identify the weak links.  As the leader, you must identify any team members who played a large part in the team’s failure.  Is this person able to be coached or trained for better performance in the future?  If not, the person may not be able to remain on the team.
4. Find the bright spots.  It’s doubtful that the situation was a complete loss.  Were there any stellar performances?  Were there any small wins to celebrate?  Identify the individual and team strengths that can be leveraged moving forward.
5. Accept responsibility.  As a leader, success or failure falls on your shoulders. Was your personal performance less than satisfactory?  Could you have guided or supported your team in a better or different way? 
6. Adjust.  You and your team cannot spend too much time in failure analysis.  Adjust and redesign your strategies for next time.  It is important that you have a clear plan for how to move forward successfully.

No one wants to lose, but in the event that a loss occurs, we must be strategic in how we lead our teams to recovery.  Additionally, having a plan for bouncing back helps to prevent leading from emotions such as disappointment or anger.  Instead, a good leader will optimistically lead their team to their next challenge with a winning outlook.
 

​The start of a new year is filled with hope, aspirations, and resolutions.  However, many find themselves lacking motivation and abandoning goals before the first month of the year is over.  The good news is that there are ways that you can stay motivated and achieve your goals for the year.  Here are a few strategies:

1. Align goals with your mission and vision.  This works for businesses and individuals.  Where do you want to be in 5 years? 10 years?  Your annual goals should reflect your long-term destination.
2. Only set a few goals at a time.  Tackling ten goals at once is overwhelming and decreases your chance of succeeding.  Try setting one or two goals and focusing only on them.
3. Make a vision board.  A vision board can be an in-your-face reminder of what you are trying to accomplish.  Place the vision board in a place where you will see it every day, such as a bedroom or office.
4. Set milestones.  Celebrating wins, even the small ones, can keep you motivated.  If you have a big goal, designate checkpoints along the way. Celebrate the small accomplishments leading up to the big one.
5. Find an accountability partner.  An accountability partner can help you stay on track by checking on your progress, pushing you to do more, and celebrating wins with you.

Goals can be set any time of the year, so all is not lost if your new year’s resolutions are a bust.  Start over and apply these strategies and you will find your goal-setting to be much more effective.

During this time of year, people often reflect on the things that they are grateful for.  Often, those “things” are material things or circumstances.  This year, I practiced telling the people around me that I am grateful for them and why.  I use this approach as a leader to express gratitude for my team members and decided to apply this to my personal life.  My conclusion is that this attitude is beneficial in all areas of my life!

As an employee and team member, I have been in situations where I felt undervalued, underappreciated, and taken for granted.  I believed that the leaders around me treated me like I was expendable and the employees as interchangeable.  I vowed as a leader that I would never intentionally make my team feel that way.  When I became a leader, I made sure that my team knew that I valued their skill set, experience, and expertise.  I let them know that it mattered to me and the organization if they stayed or left and that I wanted them to continue to be a part of the team. 
If you would like to take steps to show gratitude to those around you, try these strategies:
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• Tell them.  Simply tell them, “I am grateful for you because…”
• Write a note.  Express your gratitude in a hand-written note or greeting card.
• Give a gift.  A thoughtful gift can show someone that you appreciate them.
• Praise publicly.  Find an opportunity to brag on someone in public. 
• Spend time.  One of the best expressions of gratitude one can give is the act of spending quality time.  Take the time to have a meaningful conversation or to learn more about them.  Actively listen.

As a leader, I recognize that it is an honor and great responsibility to lead others.  Without followers, there is no leader.  I am thankful for all those, past and present, that have allowed me to lead them in any capacity.  It is truly a pleasure!

There is a saying that being a leader is like being a man alone on an island.  It is true that the higher up the career ladder you go, the fewer people there may be in your organization to collaborate with or to confide in.  You may find that others do not understand your job responsibilities or that the people that you used to talk to are now your subordinates.  Whatever the case, you may find yourself alone and desiring support.  Some of the signs that you have created your own island are:

• You often wish that you had someone to vent to or confide in.
• You feel like no one understands what you are going through.
• You believe other people in leadership positions have it all together, but you don’t.
• You do not feel supported.

Many organizations do not incorporate adequate training and support for their leaders which can lead to feelings of isolation.  Additionally, entrepreneurs and the self-employed often find themselves isolated and disconnected from others.  The good news is that you can take steps to reconnect.  Here are some ways the prevent feelings of isolation:

1. Identify and connect with a mentor.  Your mentor may have held your position or a similar position in the past successfully.  They will understand your situation, feelings, and challenges and can provide sound advice when needed.
2. Hire a coach.  A coach can help you to address your challenges and build your leadership or business capacity.  They can provide effective ways for addressing challenges you may face.
3. Attend networking events.  Many people in your area are connecting in a social environment to support one another and build new working relationships. 
4. Connect on social media.  Business-minded men and women often connect using social media to network and offer support. 
5. Lean on your friends.  Your friends may not know exactly what you are going through, but they can be a source of encouragement and inspire you to keep going.

A leader does not have to be isolated if they do not want to.  There are steps that he or she can take to (re)connect with other like-minded individuals.  However, feelings of isolation, loneliness, or other negative feelings should not be ignored.  If you are feeling depressed or experience any other symptoms of mental health disorders, please seek the medical advice of a doctor.

Have you ever felt like you end up in the same situation over and over again?  Maybe you find yourself in a job that seems is going to end in your termination.  Or maybe you discover that the problems in your new relationship are identical to your past relationship problems.  In our personal and professional life, if we don’t learn the lesson that we’re supposed to, we may find ourselves repeating the same scenario until we do.  Learning a lesson results in growth and change on our part.  In order to understand a lesson, we have to go through the process of the pain, experience, learning, and growth.  If you skip the process, then the experience was not beneficial for your professional or personal growth, and you will find yourself in the same situation, just in a different location with different people. 

How do you know you have skipped the process?

1. You blame others.  If you point the finger at the other person or persons for the reason you experienced pain, difficulty, or stress, you probably have skipped the process.  No matter how badly we have been treated, it is likely that we could have improved in our response to the situation in some way or even avoided the situation altogether.  When we have a negative experience, we have to understand the role that we played and be able to reflect on how we can handle the situation differently should it occur again.  A person who does not believe they have done anything wrong will never change.
2. You’re still angry.  When you have experienced growth and healing from a situation, you release feelings of bitterness, resentment, and anger.  If you are still angry about how the situation played out or how a person treated you, you are not over it.  If you were to be in a similar situation in the future, not only will you have difficulty addressing it effectively, but it will trigger past feelings of hurt and resentment that may make the situation worse.
3. You run in the opposite direction.  When some people have a negative experience, they may find themselves going to extremes to avoid a similar situation.  Some may make a drastic career change.  Others may date someone who is the opposite of the significant other that hurt them.  These are avoidance behaviors.  Instead of addressing how or why a situation went wrong, you attempt to avoid the situation completely.

It can be difficult to go through the process of learning a lesson, but skipping the process results in more damage in the long run.  How can you make sure that you are not skipping the process?

1. Face the situation.
2. Reflect on the situation.  Examine the situation from all perspectives, not just your own.
3. Identify the lesson or lessons to be learned.
4. Seek advice from a mature person that is not involved in the situation and be open to their insight.
5. Accept responsibility for your actions and determine what you could have done differently.
6. Make amends with the person or persons involved in the situation.

Most of the growth that we experience is the result of life lessons.  If we skip the process of learning lessons in life, we will find ourselves growing older but never growing up.
 

You have put in the time.  You believe that you’re good at your job.  People around you are moving up, yet you keep getting passed up for promotions.  Perhaps you ask yourself, why am I constantly overlooked?

Managers and leaders look for a variety of qualities and qualifications when it is time to promote from within the organization.  If you are consistently passed up for promotions, it may be for one of these five reasons:

1. Negative versus Visionary.  Leaders lead their teams through vision and influence.  They are true visionaries, people who can see potential and what can be, even if the vision is far from the present reality.  In contrast, negative employees only see problems and find it difficult to envision a team, department, or organization beyond its current state.  Many negative people describe themselves as “problem-solvers” and believe this is a positive quality.  However, a focus on only problems that require solutions indicates that a person may not be ready to step into leadership.  An employee with a negative attitude will not likely be promoted.
2. I or We.  Leaders understand that it takes a team to get things done, but that there are times when it is necessary to highlight their own accomplishments as an individual.  Collaboration is a positive quality, but “We” thinkers blend in with the crowd and their successes and accomplishments cannot be distinguished from those of the rest of the team.  “I” thinkers credit team members when appropriate, but also know how to call attention to their individual contributions.  An employee ready for a leadership position knows when to credit the team and when to credit self.  Managers and leaders promote individuals, not teams.  Do not be so humble that you keep getting passed up and overlooked.
3. Always winning and Growth.  An employee who is always winning or being successful will likely believe that they are good at their job and are probably correct in assuming so.  Often, jobs become routine and experience in that job makes it easier to perform those duties.  This type of work performance shows a manager or leader that the employee is great in their current position but does not give the leader any indication of how the employee would perform in a higher position with different duties and responsibilities.  An employee with a growth mindset will take on projects and capitalize on opportunities to grow and develop additional skills within the organization, even if it means they are not successful each time.  An employee seeking a leadership position will not just do the job that is comfortable, but will also seek ways to demonstrate critical thinking skills and resourcefulness.
4. Passive versus Ambitious.  Passive employees expect for mangers and leaders to take notice of them and offer a promotion or salary increase.  They believe that by doing their job well, people will notice them and want to promote them.  This is not necessarily true.  Ambitious employees understand that it is helpful to express the desire to move up to leadership so that leaders can take notice of their performance.  Ambitious employees seek feedback from supervisors, find opportunities to shadow employees that are in the position that they are seeking, or acquire additional training or certifications that will prepare them for the next level.
5. Where are the soft skills?   Being good at a job does not equate to having the skill set necessary to be promoted.  A task-oriented person often gets the job done, but does not always demonstrate whether they would be successful in taking on more responsibility and leading others. Managers and leaders look for soft skills that will contribute to effective leadership.  These skills include collaborating with others, time management, critical thinking, a strong work ethic, effective communication verbally and in writing, positive attitude, self-confidence, flexibility, working well under pressure, and many others. 

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If you believe you have been passed up for promotions or other leadership opportunities, reflect on your performance before getting frustrated with leadership.  It is possible that you have not demonstrated your readiness for promotion as well as you believe you have.  Don’t be afraid to ask your hiring manager what you could do differently or better in order to be promoted and receive their feedback with a positive attitude.

Have you ever woke up in a good mood only to have a phone call ruin your day?  Have you ever arrived to work with a positive mindset only to have the office climate depress your spirit?

You work too hard on establishing and maintaining your mental, emotional, and physical health to allow someone or something to diminish it.  This is why you must be determined to "protect your space".  The people we come into contact with, the places that we go, and the actions and habits that we take all have the potential to affect us positively or negatively.  Here are some questions to think about to help identify the positive and negative influences in your life that may affect your space:

• How does (insert name of person or place) make me feel?  Am I in a depressed mood or negative mind state after this interaction? Or do I feel good about myself?
• Do I get excited to interact with (insert name of person or place) or do I feel a sense of dread or duty?
• Do I feel energized or do I feel physically tired and drained after interacting with (insert name of person or place)?
• Can I be my authentic self with (insert name of person) or at (insert place) or do I feel like I am pretending or putting up a front?

You may have realized that certain people, places, or things are negatively affecting you mentally, emotionally, or physically.  So what do you do about it?  The easiest solution is to cut those things off, but we know that is not always possible.  You may be forced to interact with a person because they are a relative or coworker.  You may be forced to go to a certain place, such as your job.  Here are some strategies for protecting your space from these negative influences:

1. Recognize the influence.  Understanding how something affects you is the first step to protecting yourself against it.  When your eyes are opened, you can mentally prepare yourself for what is to come.
2. Meditate.  Begin your day with meditation.  You may include positive thinking or reciting affirmations and mantras.  The more you strengthen your mental state at the beginning of the day, the better you will be at tackling the day's challenges.
3. Be kind.  Even in the midst of negativity, resist the urge to give back what you get.  Be kind to everyone, everywhere.
4. Write.  Write in a journal and reflect on how you protected your space.  Think about what worked and what did not.
5. Exercise and make healthy eating choices.  Your physical health is linked to your emotional and mental health.  Exercising regularly, eating breakfast, and staying hydrated will help you tackle threats to your space throughout the day.

Let’s be honest.  Conflict in the workplace and in business happens.  Sometimes, personalities clash, stress causes some to speak or act out of frustration, or opinions and feelings dominate.  When conflict happens, how we handle it can determine if bridges will be burned or if working relationships can be preserved.  Here are a few tips for handling conflict in the workplace.

1. Treat others with respect.  Always show respect to others as professionals and as human beings.  Showing respect will guide how you speak and act toward those who you experience conflict with.  It can be difficult to show respect to someone who has disrespected you, but you must be determined to be the bigger person, especially if you serve in a leadership role.
2. Guard your words.  Once something is said, it cannot be taken back.  Words that are spoken carelessly can lead to further argument, anger, and hurt.  Be careful to speak about the conflict at hand and not turn to belittling others or making personal attacks.  Also, you should avoid profanity or yelling.
3. Seek resolutions.  The goal of resolving a conflict is to mend relationships and move forward, not to “win”.  If you have this goal in mind, your speech and actions will lead to peacemaking instead of further argument. On the other hand, if your only goal is to prove that you are right, the conflict will not likely be resolved.
4. Be humble.  Apologies go a long way.  If you see that you are wrong or have made a mistake, offer a sincere apology.

When you experience conflict in the workplace, understand that everything may not be resolved and restored right away. What is important is that you do your part in resolving the conflict and handle yourself in a professional way.

Most of us lie every day in some form or another.  Perhaps you tell your significant other that you are fine when in reality there is something bothering you.  Maybe you tell the server at the restaurant that the food and service were good, but in the back of your mind, it could have been better.  It is possible that you told your boss that bad traffic was the reason for your tardiness, but really you stayed up too late last night and had a difficult time getting up in the morning. 
 
The motives for lying can be selfish or altruistic.  Selfish people lie for personal gain or to avoid the consequences of their actions.  They deceive others and may even take pleasure in doing so.  This type of lying is offensive and many would agree that it is wrong.  However, others may lie in order to protect others from harm.  For example, telling a person that their new hairstyle is terrible may damage their self-perception so you may choose to lie to them instead.  Does that make the lie acceptable?  Finally, there are those that lie by omission.  They intentionally leave out details or facts, either for self-preservation or to protect others. 
 
In business, is lying ever okay or is honesty always the best policy?  The short answer is that honesty is best.  However, as a leader you will find that there are times when the truth has to be given out in responsible doses or softened so as not to do damage.  How you deliver the truth can be just as important as whether or not you tell the truth.  For example, if an employee is not performing to expectation, you can communicate that to them without belittling them or making them to feel completely incompetent.  Take a look at the following scenarios and determine whether or not you would tell the truth:
 
Scenario 1
You have just received a promotion, but it is not effective for two weeks.  You have been told not to announce the promotion to anyone on your team for confidential reasons.  One of your lead team members informs you that they heard a rumor that you were being promoted and asks you if this is true.  What is your response?
 
Scenario 2
You have applied for a new job and your potential employer has asked for your last supervisor’s contact information so that they can obtain a reference.  You know that your last supervisor did not like you and would not provide a favorable reference.  What is your response?
 
Scenario 3
You are conducting a performance review for one of your top team members.  If they receive the highest rating on their review, they will receive their annual bonus.  However, even though this team member is a top performer, they have arrived to work late almost every day this quarter and should be marked down.  What do you do?


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How do people describe you when you're not in the room?  What do people notice about you?  

As a leader of a team, you must recognize that people draw conclusions about you and make assumptions about you that can affect their willingness to be a dedicated team member.  Are you known as the leader who never smiles?  is negative? always late?

As leaders, we cannot be concerned with everyone's opinion of us, but we must be aware of the opinions that can inhibit team performance or even affect respect and recognition of your leadership.  How can you find out how your team feels about you?

• Ask a trusted friend or colleague what others are saying about you.  Give them the freedom to be open and honest.
• Be honest with yourself about your flaws.  The flaws that you accept about yourself on a regular basis are likely the flaws that others notice.
• Take your employee appraisal or evaluation seriously.  Ask your supervisor for a suggested area of improvement that you can work on.

As a leader, you are in the spotlight.  Team members and employees notice everything about you, including your appearance, your speech, your mannerisms, who you associate with, the activities you engage in, and the activities you do not choose to engage in.  This does not mean that you need to conform to the expectations that others have for you, but it does mean that you have to be aware of how other's perceptions of you may affect the efficacy of your leadership.